Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Old Fashioned Dating vs. Modern Dating- Adjusting Expectation

A generation or two ago, dates used to be much better defined, and much more formal. The man would ask out a lady that he liked, he would pick her up, maybe even bring her a bunch of flowers, and they would set off together for some sort of dinner and a movie combo. There are a few reasons why in most cases this doesn't work today, and why you should adjust your expectations accordingly. 

1. Safety- these days, you are probably less likely to be dating someone from down the street, and more likely to be using an online dating service. Or even possibly someone you met in a bar, or coffee shop. If once you had some idea who your date was, and they anyway knew where you lived, today we are much more aware that we shouldn't go around giving our home address to complete strangers. We shouldn't expect someone to offer to pick us up before a date, and more importantly, we shouldn't accept even if they do offer! With online dating services, safety always comes first!

2. Definition- today, people tend to avoid defining one on one intimate interactions as dates. This may be for fear of rejection, but "would you like to go on a date with me" has somehow turned into "you know, we should hang-out sometime". This is one trend you should not give into! Nicely demand to know if hanging-out means a date. It might cause and awkward moment, but it's way better than sitting on a two hour date wandering if it's really a date.

3. Location- these days dinner and a movie can be pretty pricey. Some people don't have that kind of money (especially if you are living off disability), so it isn't fair to expect more than a cup of coffee on a first date. Moreover, if you show up and there is no chemistry, better a quick cup of coffee, than a four hour date.

4. The guy has to be the one to ask the girl out- the great thing about online dating is that either of you can suggest meeting up for a date, it doesn't have to be the man. If you met another dating for disabled member that you like, ask them out! You can't be passive when it comes to online dating services.

5. Physical contact- don't come with expectation for a good night kiss or anything else. If the moment is right and you are both feeling into each-other, then go for it. But take it slowly, and be respectful of the person you are with. Not everyone wants physical contact on a first date, so respect that.