Monday, July 28, 2014

Date a Person For Who They Are- Not Who They Can Be

One of the biggest mistakes we make when it comes to off and online dating is assuming that someone can change, or for that matter want's to change. Being human we want to believe that what we see in front of us is potential and not a "final product". There are a few dangers that stem from this kind of thinking, the first is we are unable to see and appreciate the person standing right in front of us. We are unable to recognize that what they say and do is indeed who they are, and respect that that's who they want to be. The second problem, is we delude ourselves that we can mold and shape the person we are dating into who we want them to be. This kind of thinking and assuming not only potentially harms the budding relationship, but it can also harm the person you are dating, and cause them to think they are not good enough. Finally, it harms you, because you are ignoring reality and assuming you can change it, and in tern you are wasting your own time. You are spending time with someone that you are unhappy with, hoping they will change and that will fix the relationship, and they will tern into the kind of partner you have always wanted.
When you approach other dating for disabled profiles you have to bare in mind that who they say they are, and what they are looking for in a partner is indeed true. If they clearly state that they don't want a family, or aren't looking for anything long term you have to believe them. You can't assume that you are going to change their mind. You can't look at the person you are dating through the "he's almost perfect if only..." and then try and make them so.
It all starts from the very beginning, from the first time you see their online disabled dating profile and decide if they look like someone worth messaging. It all begins with making a conscious decision only to chat to people you feel have something in common with you and are looking fro the same things as you. Chatting to them can also give you a sense of who they are and what they want from a  relationship. If right off the bat they are someone that you don't picture yourself dating, then move on. You won't like everyone you talk to, and that's perfectly OK. Don't feel guilty turning people down because they aren't what you are looking for.
Sometimes people change, they get more or less ambitious, they decide they want different things in life, they change their sense of style, and so on. But you can safely assume that you aren't going to "fix them up"; people are no apartments, or DIY projects. You have to learn to appreciate the person you are dating as who they are, and if they aren't right for you now, they are probably never going to be.