Thursday, July 24, 2014

What Not to Do On Online Dating

There are a lot of things you can do right when using an online dating service, but there are also a number of things you can do very wrong! There are things that if you would like to successfully meet another dating4disabled member you should NOT do. We put together a list of things that you should avoid doing when using an any kind of online matchmaking site:

1. Expect that other people are always going to write you back, and when they don't send them angry messages asking them why they didn't answer your message. It happens, sometimes you will send another dating for disabled member a message on the site, and they just won't write back. So don't only send one person a message and then get disappointed you didn't receive a reply, send out a few! (Just don't forget to personalize them properly, the last thing you want to do is write a template and send out 50 messages that are all the same).

2. Comment on people's physical appearance or disability. Don't make remarks about how pretty/attractive another dating4disabled member is, because you are much less likely to have them reply. Steer clear about small talk that involves disability, until you have gotten to know them a little better. At that point, you will know what they are, and aren't comfortable talking about. Yes, everyone on the site is living with a disability, but everyone has their own comfort level about when it is or isn't OK to talk about it.

3. Be negative- this means anything from a long list of things you don't want and aren't interested in, alongside a list of people who shouldn't contact you. Sending other D4D members messages that contain negative language is a sure way of not getting any replies. Anyway you spin it, people on dating sites who use positive language to describe themselves and what they are looking for in another person, get a lot more responses to their profiles.

4. Not be part of the community- dating for disabled is a lot more than just an online dating site. As you've seen, we also have blogs and forums. A great way to meet and connect with other people is using them to share your thoughts and ideas. Participating in the community is just a great way to get noticed, and other than meet other people with disabilities to date, you can also end up making some amazing friends.  

5. Play games with people- if you're messaging back and fourth with someone don't do things like wait 4 days to message them back. Or suddenly lose interest and stop replying to their messages. That said, you probably shouldn't overwhelm them with tons of messages all at once. Find a balance that works; as times goes by, you will probably message each-other more often, but it's quite alright to ease into it. There is no right or wrong, or some sort if golden rule when it comes to the frequency of messages on an online dating site. You should go at a pace that works for the two of you.

6. Push a meet-up- just because you feel ready to meet for a first date, doesn't mean the other person is. Don't push them to meet up if they aren't quite ready. But more importantly, don't take it personally, there may be a hundred reasons why they aren't ready to go on a first date, those reasons are about them, not about you. Be patient! If you talk them into rushing into things, it may very well backfire on you.

7. Get frustrated- it takes time to get used to how a dating site works, to work out how to write a proper messages, and get your user profile just right. It also takes time to get to know some people and decide that they are right to go out with. It takes time. We sometimes think that we will sign up for an online dating site, and like everything else online it will be instantaneous. But that isn't the case, if you're not looking for casual encounters, and want to meet someone else to build a serious relationship with, these things don't just happen overnight- you have to invest time and energy in them.

8. Be sleazy or a cliche- avoid bad pickup lines when you write to people, avoid using silly cliches in the about me section of your profile (everyone loves to laugh and smile!). Be original, and be yourself! People are just much less likely to respond to pickup lines and silly cliches, so don't use them!

Good luck!