Sunday, June 29, 2014

How to Flirt on an Online Dating Site

If you've finally found another dating for disabled member that you genuinely like, there is probably going to be a lot of back-and-forth going on. But how do you convey flirting through a key-bored?! Some people find it hard enough flirting with someone face to face, and then you can at least use tone and body language to convey interest. But when you're using a disabled matchmaking service, or any online dating site, it isn't always easy to get your point across without some of it getting lost. 
Here are some simple things that can help you flirt on an online dating site:

1. Always keep your tone upbeat and positive.

2. If you're being joking or sarcastic make sure to use an emoticon so the other dating4disabled member get's that you're joking. Otherwise you can just end up having awkward misunderstandings.

3. Be blunt- if you really like someone, and want to meet them for a coffee date, tell them that. It isn't always easy to convey interest in another person you are in the same room with, let alone when you can't see their facial expressions. Being upfront helps clear up a lot of the uncertainty. They might not be interested, but hey, at least then you will know where things stand!

4. Give them positive feedback- did they tell you they enjoy spending time chatting to you on the site? If you're also enjoying their company, make sure to tell them so.

5. Confront people who you feel are playing games with you- if you feel someone is stringing you along, or if you aren't sure where you stand- ask them. Lay your cards on the table: "I like you, would you like to meet up sometime?" If you signed up for dating4disabled to meet another disabled single, don't waist your time on people who aren't serious! It's OK to give people the time to feel comfortable enough to go on a date, but if you get the feeling that they are messing you around not out of genuine place, and they won't give you a strait answer after you asked them out, maybe it's time to move on.

6. Arrange a skype/phone date before going out on a real one. Chat on the phone for a little while before meeting up; this will allow you to ease into the date a little, but also hear their tone of voice, and it's a great opportunity to be a little more playful and flirty- this just helps convey interest, and lighten the mood (as far as easing any tension or awkwardness their might be).

Good luck guys!
For more dating advice, check out our blog on the site: http://www.dating4disabled.com/pages/74

Early Relationship Romance- How Much is Too Much Romance?

When you start dating someone new, there is always that short period of time when you don't actually know what they like as far as being romanced, but you feel socially obligated to do things like: bring flowers, buy chocolates and wine, or plan elaborate dates that end up costing you both a small fortune.

Which begs the question: how much romance is too much romance?

If you've started dating another dating for disabled member and you are just at the budding stages of your relationship, you may very well be constantly worried about whether or not you are making a good impression, and what over-the-top things can you be doing in order to insure that they like you.

The problem with going over the top is this: 1. It isn't going to necessarily guarantee someone will like you. 2. It costs a lot of money you don't necessarily have. Don't forget, that quite a few dating for disabled members are living off disability or a fixed income. If make a romantic gesture, the person you are dating will probably feel the need to reciprocate it, even if they don't have the financial means. 3. You don't know them that well, and you may even be doing things that they don't like. What if you've been buying them flowers, and they suffer from avid hay-fever? The bottom line is this, being romantic means making sweet gestures the other person will appreciative, and given that you've only been dating for a short while, how can you be sure they are really appreciating what you are doing?

Moreover, you may cause them to feel that it's too much too soon! It's ok to slowly ease into things. Save up the romance for later on in the relationship.

So, here are a list of alternative gestures, that may not be after-school special worthy, but they will help you make a good impression on the dating 4 disabled member you are currently going out with:

1. Listen! Make a conscious effort to listen and get to know the person you are dating. You can impress them by casually slipping back into the conversation things they said on a previous occasion, or from when you were chatting on the dating site. Trust me, this will earn you way more brownie points than flowers.

You may have already gotten to know quite a bit about them whilst you were chatting on dating for disabled, but that isn't to say there isn't a lot more to learn!

2. Show up on time, be respectful, and be genuinely interested in what they have to say!

3. Make small gestures- if you've been going out for a month or so, do nice things for each-other. If you go shopping buy them that bar of chocolate that they love. Or buy their favorite cake for dessert.


We tend to just assume that romance is what we see on TV, but it isn't! It's the little things we do for the people that we are dating simply to show that we care about them. If you want to make someone feel warm and fuzzy inside you don't need to fork out the cash for a 5 star restaurant, you need to listen to what they say and do things that you know will make them happy, not things you think SHOULD make them happy.

At the end of the day, while you may have been chatting on dating for disabled for ages before going out, you still have to take things slowly. Don't get ahead of yourself when it comes to big romantic gestures, and get to know the person you are going out with.  

If you aren't yet a D4D member, click on this link to register for the site: http://www.dating4disabled.com/sign_up

Thursday, June 19, 2014

How to Deal With Lots of Frustrating First Dates

You don't always meet your perfect match on the first try. Well some people do, but it is fairly rare, so you will probably end up going on a few first dates before meeting someone you can actually envision settling down with. But first dates can sometimes be boring, awkward, or just not that much fun. On the other hand sometimes they are a lot of fun, but there just isn't that chemistry there. After a few bad first dates, you can end up being really annoyed/frustrated with the whole thing, and some people give up entirely. Here are some great tips that will help you plow through that frustration, and find your perfect somebody.

1. Don't just go on dates for the sake of going on dates! If you force yourself to go on dates just because someone asked, or you feel bad declining, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Yes, you may be pleasantly surprised, but chances are you just won't have fun. Only arrange a date with another dating for disabled member you genuinely feel a connection with.

2. Don't go on long dates- keep dates short! Ellen once said that coffee isn't a date, it's an interview for a date. That's exactly how you should look at it. Have a cup of coffee with someone, see how you like them, and then decide if things are worth perusing. If every date you go on with a dating for disabled member lasts three to four hours, of course you will very quickly get tired of dating.

3. Laugh about it! Have a sense of humor about the whole process, and if you had a really awful date, call up a friend and talk about it. I don't mean make fun of the person you went out with, just laugh at the situation.

4. Keep the faith! Sometimes, what you need is to keep reminding yourself that the goal is to meet someone for a serious relationship, and yes, to quote the famous cliche- sometimes you need to kiss a few toads before you find your prince (or princess)! 

For more dating advice, check out our blog on dating for disabled http://www.dating4disabled.com/pages/74

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Old Fashioned Dating vs. Modern Dating- Adjusting Expectation

A generation or two ago, dates used to be much better defined, and much more formal. The man would ask out a lady that he liked, he would pick her up, maybe even bring her a bunch of flowers, and they would set off together for some sort of dinner and a movie combo. There are a few reasons why in most cases this doesn't work today, and why you should adjust your expectations accordingly. 

1. Safety- these days, you are probably less likely to be dating someone from down the street, and more likely to be using an online dating service. Or even possibly someone you met in a bar, or coffee shop. If once you had some idea who your date was, and they anyway knew where you lived, today we are much more aware that we shouldn't go around giving our home address to complete strangers. We shouldn't expect someone to offer to pick us up before a date, and more importantly, we shouldn't accept even if they do offer! With online dating services, safety always comes first!

2. Definition- today, people tend to avoid defining one on one intimate interactions as dates. This may be for fear of rejection, but "would you like to go on a date with me" has somehow turned into "you know, we should hang-out sometime". This is one trend you should not give into! Nicely demand to know if hanging-out means a date. It might cause and awkward moment, but it's way better than sitting on a two hour date wandering if it's really a date.

3. Location- these days dinner and a movie can be pretty pricey. Some people don't have that kind of money (especially if you are living off disability), so it isn't fair to expect more than a cup of coffee on a first date. Moreover, if you show up and there is no chemistry, better a quick cup of coffee, than a four hour date.

4. The guy has to be the one to ask the girl out- the great thing about online dating is that either of you can suggest meeting up for a date, it doesn't have to be the man. If you met another dating for disabled member that you like, ask them out! You can't be passive when it comes to online dating services.

5. Physical contact- don't come with expectation for a good night kiss or anything else. If the moment is right and you are both feeling into each-other, then go for it. But take it slowly, and be respectful of the person you are with. Not everyone wants physical contact on a first date, so respect that.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Getting Over the Fear of Using a Disabled Dating Service

Getting over the fear of using a disabled dating service isn't easy. Some people worry that is isn't socially acceptable to use online dating sites, they worry what people will think. Not to mention the worry of actually having to put yourself out there, partnered with a fear of rejection. Deciding to sign up for online dating isn't as easy for some as it is for others. We have put together a list of "worries" and possibly some ideas that might help put your mind at ease:

1. "Online dating isn't safe"- online dating is exactly like regular dating, just like you wouldn't invite a person you met five minutes ago at a bar into your home, don't do so for people you met online. If you read up on all of the safety tips and use some common sense you will be absolutely fine.

2. "I'm afraid of getting hurt"- this albeit rational fear, is true for all forms of dating. In order to open yourself up to a meaningful relationship, you are also opening yourself up to rejection and heartbreak.
But don't sell yourself short by avoiding meaningful connections!

3. "I'm afraid of being rejected because of my disability"- if you've had bad experiences in the past because you were rejected simply because of your disability, dating 4 disabled is the place for you. One of the wonderful things about the site is how warm and friendly its members are to one another. People log-on to the site to meet and connect with other people who also have disabilities.

4. "I'm afraid of what people will think"- just like all of our social interactions happen on facebook/twitter/instagram and so on, why should dating be any different?

5 "Online dating is only for desperate people"- there are so many wonderful people out there, that fate will never allow you to cross paths with. Maybe they live in a different town or country, maybe you have no friends in common with them. Online dating sites help bring you in contact with a larger number of disabled singles than you would otherwise not meet in "real" life.

6. "Everyone on online dating sites are just looking for casual encounters"- this isn't the case, of course there are those dating sites and apps that specialize in matchmaking of that nature, and there are people who are looking for that. But this is where your judgment and strategy come in. If you are looking for a serious relationship, don't waist your time on people who state in their profile that they are not interested in anything long-term. It's completely up to you who you talk to, and how much time you spend talking to them. If you feel someone is messing you around don't put up with it! It's as simple as that.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

I Found a Fake Profile on Dating for Disabled, What Do I Do?

Many dating site users tend to suspect a profile is fake, and move on- they don't report it, or do anything about it. Possibly because they second guess themselves, and worry about making a mistake, or don't trust their own judgment. Or possibly because they feel guilty about reporting another member. For whatever reason, they decide to ignore a profile that may or may not be real.

Why is this bad? It's bad to ignore a profile you suspect is fake, because whilst you may understand this person isn't a genuine user, other people may not. That is why reporting is so important, it helps keep the community safe. 

The first thing you need to know is that there is a report button: every user profile on dating for disabled has a "Report Abuse" button. The button is located at the top and bottom of the profile page pop up, and is really easy to use. Simply click "report abuse":


After you've done that, please tell us why you think this user isn't genuine. Does their profile look suspicious? Did they text you asking for money? Give us some idea of why you decided to report them. The more info you can give us the better! But that said, you can also go with your gut feeling, if something doesn't feel right about a profile you should report him anyway! Let us do the work of looking into it.


You can read here a little bit more about how to spot a fake online profile: http://admind4d.blogspot.co.il/2014/05/how-to-tell-if-profile-is-fake-online.html

Once you've successfully filled out the report box (this should take you about a minute) we will receive it and review your request. We review all abuse reports within a couple of days and remove and block users that are found to be fake. Please note that with paying members it may take a little bit longer. 

Don't worry about getting someone into trouble, we don't remove members without a proper investigation! 

If the member you reported was deleted you will no longer see them on the site. If the now blocked member sent you a message, it will disappear from your dating for disabled inbox.


If the member was not removed, it is because we did not find anything wrong with them. That said, feel free to report them again if you think we missed something (but please try and explain what you think we missed).

Help us keep dating for disabled safe, and don't be afraid to use the report button!

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Should Your Online Dating Profile Talk About Marriage?

One of the things we are always told about dating is you shouldn't talk about marriage and kids too quickly. After all, nobody likes things to progress too quickly, because that can cause unwanted stress. But what about online dating, how can we weed out all of those people really looking for casual encounters and find those who want a serious relationship if we cant put "marriage" in the looking for section of our online dating profile.
How do we find that tricky balance between scaring off potential partners on online dating sites, but also not getting stuck with only messages from people looking for casual encounters
But don't worry, it is possible!
The key to doing it successfully is phrasing! You should state that you are looking for a serious relationship, but stay away from negative phrasing like: "I'm not looking to be messed around". Keep to what you are looking for, and not what you aren't looking for. There is no reason not to advertise that you know what you want, and who should apply (aka message you on the site).
But that said, the amount of detail is what throws the whole thing off. Try and avoid describing your dream life; a good dating site profile should say "looking for a serious relationship" and end there. Avoid phrases like: "I'm looking for a loving person to marry and start a family with". It's too much! The first stage to marriage is meeting someone you actually like, and have a connection with- set your sites on that. Look for a person to connect with, and once you've actually met up, been one a few dates, and started really picturing that this may be someone you can spend your future with, then talk about it.
It's not that you shouldn't tell another dating for disabled members that what you want is to get married and have kids, it's when you should you tell someone. That's the point.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Are You All-In?

This post is about the importance of taking on-line dating seriously, and asking yourself one vital question: are you all in? You've made the first few steps: you've chosen a dating site that you like, and you've started the registration process, now, this is where things start going wrong. This is the first place where people using online dating services mess-up: they very half-halfheartedly fill out their profile. 

1. You aren't going to make any genuine connections with other dating for disabled members unless you put a lot of effort into your profile! You can read up on how to do that here: http://admind4d.blogspot.co.il/2014/04/how-to-fill-out-your-online-dating.html
You profile is a virtual representation of who you are, and what kind of person you are looking to date, if you don't take it seriously, you aren't going to be taken seriously. Make sure you put the right amount of thought and effort into filling it out.

2. You haven't posted a photo. You shouldn't feel pressured into posting a photo of yourself until you feel ready and comfortable, but you should also know, that profiles without photos get less responses. You could be dragging your feet because you feel embarrassed or insecure about posting a picture, both of these feelings are valid. But using online dating is a little bit like jumping into a cold swimming pool, at some point you have to stop sticking your big toe in, and just take the plunge! If you want to find love on dating 4 disabled, you have to commit to it all the way, and part of that commitment is working up the courage to put yourself out there with a photo.

3. You don't approach other members. Online dating is about being proactive! You can't just sit behind your key-board and wait for someone to contact you, it doesn't always work that way. If you aren't sure how to write a message you can use our guide: http://admind4d.blogspot.co.il/2014/05/how-to-write-message-on-online-dating.html

4. Are you in a place to date someone seriously? Before you even sign up you should ask yourself: what do I want? Maybe you aren't really in a place to date someone; maybe you've just been through a bad break-up, or having issues with your health, maybe you aren't sure online dating is for you. Whatever the reason, if you are uncertain about what you want it shows. People can sense hesitation and it puts them off. You have to be sure that what you want is to meet someone- otherwise you are being unfair to them, and more importantly, unfair to yourself.

There is no middle-ground when it comes to dating services. If you don't put yourself out there, you aren't going to get any responses. Try thinking about it from another perspective: how likely are you to send a message to another dating-site member who has an empty profile and no picture? Would you respond to a message from a profile like that? Give yourself the best chance possible by filling out all of your info!

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Disabled Terminology & Etiquette

How should you correctly refer to someone with disabilities? Why are some people offended by the words and terms used to describe them? What is the right way to approach & interact with someone who has a disability?

I am not disabled, I have disabilities. The word disabled is often used to describe who we are, not what we are, when it should be the other way around. It is the difference between the Social Model of Disability & the Medical Model of Disability. People use the word disabled as a definition;  to label us, & then to judge us. It's assumed that we are then incapable, and often ignored. I am not limited because I have disabilities. I am limited because of how disabilities affect me, how others treat me, & how the environment I inhabit is not compatible with such disabilities.

Should you use mentally challenged, mentally disabled or simply none of those at all. They are all insulting & grossly inaccurate. In the UK it is seen as acceptable to use the term learning disabled or learning disability. The term learning difficulty is also accepted. Personally what I have said earlier applies. If you are speaking generally then saying learning disability or difficulty is OK. If you are referring to a specific person then I would say that saying they have a learning disability is acceptable, or learning difficulties. Such a person cannot really tell us how they feel about such terms being used about them, I feel we need to be more aware of this & how we view them. 

Words are a powerful weapon, if used incorrectly they can cause offence, insult, injury or suffering.

How can you tell if someone is disabled or not? It is a sad fact that most people assume that if you are not in a wheelchair you are not disabled. If you can stand up reasonably straight then you are not disabled. If you can walk further than two steps you are not disabled. This has often lead to people who are genuinely disabled being treated very badly by some people. I do use a walking stick, I walk very badly, I cannot walk far or fast, and I have been verbally abused & even assaulted a few times. Some people have been viciously assaulted, and on a few occasions murdered. Why do people react like this? Is it just ignorance, is it evilness, or is it fear? Not all disabilities are as visible as others. Some disabilities are hidden. Just because I do not use a wheelchair does not mean I do not have disabilities.

Just because you cannot see or understand a certain disability, does not mean it is not real. Do not assume you know better than the person who has a disability. You do not have to understand something to accept it. Rejecting or ignoring is not only rude, it can make the life of a person with disabilities much harder than it needs to be. We cannot try harder it we want to, we try as hard as we can. We are not lazy, or using it as an excuse to get out of things, or to gain certain advantages, we have something that limits our abilities, or makes certain tasks impossible. Trying to pretend you have not seen someone who is disabled does not work, we can tell, it is so obvious. 

Just act normally, treat us as normal, we do not bite, what we have is not catching.

If a person with disabilities is with someone do not just talk to that person & ignore the person who has disabilities. Do not talk about them as if they are not there, or ask questions about them. Examples are asking how they are instead of asking them, or saying they are brave or they look well, etc. Speak to the person. However, do not pity them, or talk down to them, do not tell them they are clever because they can understand what you mean. Speak normally to them, do not assume they cannot comprehend. It is possible they could have a disability that affects their ability to understand what you are saying. In this case, you can adjust what you say, without having to talk down to them. Someone is not stupid because they are in a wheelchair, autistic, have Down syndrome, or any of the many conditions that affect physical or mental ability.


Copyright © Stephheninleeds

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Thursday, June 5, 2014

Why You Shouldn't Play Games on Online Dating Sites

We spoke in a past blog post on why it's so important to know what you want, and what you are looking for when it comes to approaching, and registering for online dating (you can read that post here), today we will talk about why playing games can be detrimental to finding love online.

Whether you're using a disabled dating site, or any other, these days days there is a lot of pressure to "play games". Playing games can mean playing it hard to get, waiting days to message them back on the site, or making your date jump through all kinds of strange hoops to prove themselves to you. 

The problem with this kind of behavior is that you may end up sending mixed messages, frustrating the person you are messaging, and losing their interest altogether. Now, this doesn't mean you shouldn't pace yourself, and take the time to think of a response, but you shouldn't purposefully take days to answer because some book told you to. 

If you signed up to an online dating site with the purpose of meeting someone for a serious relationship, and you've already stated that in your profile, then don't play games. There is no point to it, after all, you both have the same end game, so why even bother? If you like them, and feel like chatting to them, chat! If you both feel like it's time to meet up, then meet up. No book should dictate to you that three weeks is too fast while six is just right (unless they have some really good logic to back it up). If you met someone on dating for disabled that you like, and you feel they like you back, then go for it! Why waste time playing silly games that may end up spoiling your chances?

There really is no point messing around, and if you get the feeling someone else is, then stop talking to them! If you're using an online matchmaking site it's because you've made a decision that you want to meet someone, so don't waist your time on people you feel are worth it. But this can't be a double standard, you also have to make sure that you know what you're looking for, and aren't messing other people about while you figure it out! It isn't fair to them, and it isn't fair to yourself! 

For more dating advice, hit up our blog: http://dating4disabled.com/dyncpage.asp?pageId=31

Monday, June 2, 2014

Have a Great Week


Hey guys, I hope you all had a wonderful and restful weekend. Stay tuned for more blog-posts this week on disability, and disability dating advice. To read more, check out our website: http://www.dating4disabled.com/pages/74